Humanising Language Teaching
Year 1; Issue 8; December 1999
LAUGHTER FROM POLAND
Derek Nolan (English Unlimited, Poland)
Why do Polish policemen always walk around in threes?
One can read, one can write and the other one is needed to keep an eye on the intellectuals.
The Polish government decides to introduce an oral English test for aspiring policemen due to the ever increasing number of tourists coming to Poland.
A policeman goes in on the first morning of the test and there is a panel of 3 senior officers on the examining board. They ask the nervous candidate ' Do you speak English?
'Yes', he answers and is immediately accepted.
The next candidate goes in and is asked, 'Do you speak English?'
'Yes', he answers and is immediately accepted.
The third candidate goes in and is asked, 'Do you speak English?'
'Yes, I do', he replies and all the officers look at each other and shout 'Co?' (=what?)
A German, a Pole and a Russian are caught smuggling cigarettes from Lithuania and appear in court. The judge is rather severe and sentences them each to 10 years in prison. He does, however, take account of their good attitude and grants them one wish. The German says that he wants a beautiful woman for everyday that he spends in prison and this is granted. The Pole says that he wants as much vodka as he can drink while in prison and this is granted and the Russian says that he wants 40 cigarettes for each day he's in prison.
10 years later they are freed and the prison is surrounded by journalists and press photographers.
The German runs out crying that he never wants to see another woman again. The Pole runs to the nearest AA centre and the Russian comes out and asks one of the journalists for a light.
The German government decide to carry out an archaeological excavation and dig down 50 metres deep . They find pieces of nickel and other metals and concluded that hundreds of years ago the early Germans had a telecommunications network. On hearing this the British government dug 100 metres and found lots of glass and concluded that the early British had had a fibre-optic network. The Polish government got extremely excited and decided to dig 200 metres deep. They found nothing at all so they concluded that the early Poles had mobile phones.
Why is the Polish Parliament round?
Have you ever seen a square circus?
