Humanising Language Teaching
Year 2; Issue 4; July 2000
Dialogue Jokes
Please send us jokes that belong to your culture, to your region, to regions that tell jokes about yours, to the culture of professions you know; there are plenty of jokes the police and doctors and teachers tell about the rest of the world.
"Your husband's in archaeology?"
"Mmmm, yeah, he's a paleo-archaeologist; really marvellous! "
"What's so good about having an archaeologist as a husband?"
" Well, you see… it's like this…..the older I get the more he loves me!"
" USS Kittyhawk calling. Request you alter course. Over and out. "
" Message received. Mission such we cannot alter course. We request you alter course ."
" We are an aircraft carrier of the US Navy. We demand you alter course soonest to avoid collision."
" We are unable to implement your request. We recommend you take avoiding action immediately."
" If you continue to ignore our order we will open fire."
" We are a lighthouse- your call!"
A man worked form many years in a quarry in the USA. He collected slabs of rock with
dinosaur footprints on them.
When he retired from working in the quarry he built a bungalow and leading up to it he laid a
path using the footprint slabs.
His wife was showing a visitor round their new home:
" and these are the dinosaur footprints."
" Good Heavens, you'd never think they'd come so close to the house, would you?
( Sent in by Marta Genis Pedra from Madrid, Spain)
This farmer owns a herd of pigs. One day a man appears in his yard and asks:
" What do you give your pigs when you feed them?"
" Trash from the farm, mostly."
" What!? I am from the Animal Protection Society and I am going to fine you $1000 How dare you feed them trash?"
A month later two other men come to the farm and ask the farmer the same question. The farmer hesitates and then replies:
" Well, you see, I serve them caviar for the first course, and then for the main course they tend to have green salad and steak. For dessert they mostly have strawberry compote."
The two men get very angry:
" We are from a Charity Organisation and this is a scandal. Human beings are starving to death all over the world every day and you give such food to pigs? We are fining you $10,000 !"
The following month a woman turns up at the farm and asks the farmer :
" What do you feed your pigs on?
He stares at her and says:
" I give them $1 each and they can buy what they want! "
