Comic Relief in the Business English Class
Monica Hoogstad, UK
Monica is a freelance Business English and Legal English teacher, with eighteen years experience in ELT. She is particularly keen on teaching Advanced Learners. Her current interests are material design, intercultural communication, creative thinking, and teaching while having fun (and the other way around).
E-mail: monicahoogstad@yahoo.co.uk
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Introduction
Background
Activities
Answers
References
The smallest hint to 'business' seems to urge people to put on their serious (read 'dull, bland, insipid') mask. Consequently, laughing is regarded as an indulgence to be banned from the business English class and restricted to one's spare time. You can sense the eerie, almost Dantesque warning hovering above the classroom entrance, "Lose all hope to laugh, you who enter".
On the other hand, everyone nod their heads in agreement that humour is an innate human trait which plays a major role in social interactions. But very few use its catalytic power in the business English area. Humour is an effective and affective teaching tool. Having fun together encourages students to develop a group identity, it improves student-teacher rapport, and it creates a tension-free, positive and energetic learning climate. A drop in stress and nervousness and a surge in relaxation and receptivity are the signs that the students have let their guard down. Any experienced teacher should identify that as the right moment to hit them with key concepts, structures and lexis and, of course, with error correction.
England and America are two countries separated by the same language. The statement was as true in G.B. Shaw's time as it is now. It can be rather confusing, especially when you think you know the meaning of the word. Many advanced students are confident of their spoken and written language production, and haven't got the faintest idea that the variant they've chosen for is ... cocktail English. "We spent our vacation on a colourful, exotic island, where we stayed for a fortnight." or "I just put down the new date in my agenda; so the appointment with this bloke is postponed for 27 April, right?" are a few randomly selected examples, displaying a mix-and-match of American and British spelling, vocabulary and grammar.
The lingua franca of our global village is Global English after all, so let us communicate and let the purists do the hair splitting. As long as the message is clear, there's no problem whatsoever, one might argue. Which is true up to a certain point. But when you're in America, even if you're the founder of the British English Fan Club, whatever you do, DON'T send your ten-year old to the store to buy a rubber (BE eraser, AE condom), and NEVER ask where the cloakroom (BE toilet, AE place to leave coats) is when you're taken short. Conversely, when you're in England, NEVER EVER order black pudding (blood sausage) for desert, and NEVER express your wish to wash up (AE wash yourself, BE do the dishes).
And if your English doesn't really cut the mustard, beware of false friends and easily confused words, misleading set phrases and phrasal verbs, and sometimes even treacherous grammar. One of my former students, an air hostess, couldn't grasp why the English passengers asked whether there were any parachutes available the very instant she finished her warning routine with the words "When there's an emergency, please don't panic and follow my instructions." Similarly, when a businessman asked his British counterpart "Could you please sign on the backside?", everyone present was in stitches. "These are office procedures", he insisted, whilst people were doing their best to keep a straight face. Not to mention the quandary I found myself in when I asked a student why he decided to attend my English course and he replied "Because my boss forces me to come in class."
Activities 1a and 1b dwell on differences in vocabulary between American and British English, while Activity 3 highlights frequent errors learners of English make - both being common causes of confusion, misunderstandings and embarrassment. Nothing can illustrate better the aim of Activity 2 than the following story. A Brit visits a farm in America and is impressed by the huge quantity of vegetables they are producing. He asks the farmer what they do with the produce and the answer is: "We eat what we can and what we can't, we can." The Brit is impressed with the witty reply and tries to remember it and use it in the future. He returns to Britain and someone asks him about the places he visited in the US. Among other things, he mentions the American farmer and his vegetable farm: "They eat what they can, and what they cannot, they preserve in tins."
Activity 1a
The ten commandments for a British English speaker visiting America. An attempt to bridging the gap between British and American English (or, at least, laugh while trying).
Jaws will drop and some people might even fetch the men in white coats if you ...
- ... announce that plasma TVs have been installed in the newly refurbished rest rooms.
- ... suggest taking a short break because you'd like to pop out to have a fag.
- ... ask where the loo is.
- ... express your wish to go bathing and put your swimsuit on.
- ... complain that some cowboys did your plumbing and electricity.
- ... recount how you spent a pleasant evening talking to some old chaps.
- ... invite people to visit you in your office, which is on the 2nd floor.
- ... reminisce how you used to wear a hood when you were younger.
- ... keep whining about how that anorak didn't stop talking about computer programs.
- ... brag about meeting a good-looking bird at the pub last night.
Activity 1b
The ten commandments for an American English speaker visiting Britain. Guidelines to facilitating across-the-pond communication. People will stare at you in amazement, everyone will fall silent, and someone will eventually mutter: "Whatever takes your fancy, mate!" if you ...
- ... mention the huge, scary bum you've seen at the subway station.
- ... confess that you spent all your weekend glued to the boob tube.
- ... reminisce about the flat you had once in the middle of the highway.
- ... explain how pissed you came home the other night.
- ... apologise that your pants are dirty.
- ... state your preference for red suspenders.
- ... assure everyone that you always wear a vest, but no jacket with your suit.
- ... are in awe of the high quality of the dirt in someone's garden.
- ... would be glad to get new caddies at the supermarket.
- ... announce you're going outside for a quick puff or two.
Activity 2
This is a lexis recycling and review activity, involving accent, intonation and vocabulary - all in one.
- Announce you're going to play a game called 'Union Jack or Stars-and-Stripes?'
- Get the group to split up into two teams that are going to compete against each other.
- Prepare two sets of cards containing sentences in AE and BE, respectively (see table). Then shuffle them, and invite the students to pick one or two at random.
- One of the students starts by reading out loud the sentence on her card. If it's in AE, she has to adopt an American accent and intonation. Then she nominates a member of the opposing team, who is supposed to 'translate' this sentence in BE, adopting a British accent and intonation, and changing the vocabulary where necessary.
- For a correct 'translation' the team gets 10 points, for a wrong one the points go to their opponents. The winners are the team that tot up the highest number of points when all cards have been used.
| AE |
BE |
"Where does your attorney live?"
"In a duplex near the subway station." |
I've got a meeting in Dublin tomorrow; could you book a return ticket for me, please? |
| Don't drink water from the faucet when you go on vacation to Africa. |
Don't forget to write the postcode on the envelope. |
| John's a truck driver; he's away to France presently and he'll be back in two weeks. |
Hello, is that Mr Jordan? Do you accept a call with reversed charges? |
| Our office is on the first floor, the restroom is over there and the elevator is around the corner. |
"What are you doing at the weekend?"
"I'm staying at home." |
"Where's my bathrobe?"
"I think I saw it lying on top of the comforter." |
Drive past the petrol station and you'll see the sign to the toll motorway. |
| You should have used a period and not a semicolon after that sentence. |
We had a puncture on the motorway and I couldn't find my mobile phone to call the AA. |
| What I really like about the language classes is that they are always custom-made. |
I parked my estate car at that car park in front of the chemist's. |
| I fixed an ad with some thumbtacks on the billboard in the cafeteria. |
Ask for the bill while I tie my shoe laces, will you? |
| Someone tried to steal the briefcase from the car, because the windshields are smashed. |
Have you seen the train timetable? |
| Throw those chips and cookies into the trash can, will you? |
Pull the curtains and put that ManU sweater on; there's football on the telly tonight. |
| After I finish writing my résumé, I'll join you to the movie house. |
We hired an estate agent to value our house before we put it on the market. |
| Remind me to write in my agenda that I should give my secretary a raise. |
Hand me the spanner, not the torch, you nincompoop! |
Activity 3
This is an error correction activity. To present it in a less threatening light, you can play a game with your students. Both the competition and the misunderstandings triggered by the mistakes will generate lots of laughter. Make sure your students fully understand that you and their class mates are laughing with them and NOT at them. Your purpose is to create a risk-free environment, where learners aren't afraid of making mistakes.
- Announce you're going to play a game based on the students' mistakes.
- Prepare an error correction sheet containing mistakes your students made in previous sessions
- Get the group to split into small teams of three or four, that are going to compete against each other.
- Distribute the sheet, allow some preparation time, and encourage the students to look up words in a monolingual dictionary whenever necessary.
- When they think they've spotted the mistakes and are able to correct them, the teams should give each sentence a grade, ranging between 1 and 10 (1 being the lowest, 10 the highest), according to how certain they are of their solution.
- The trainer will start discussing each sentence. If the team have spotted the mistake and corrected it, they win points and if they're wrong they lose points. The number of points equal the grade they've given the sentence.
- The team that manage to tot up the highest number of points are the winners.
- "Linda, have you got enough copies for everyone?" "Oh, no, I forgot to multiply!"
- I received a few large e-mails yesterday. Shall I bring them along next time?
- "How's your wife?" "She's very fine, thanks for asking!"
- I truly admire him, because he stopped to drink before he applied for this position.
- Now that you've got a degree, you need a job. When will you start soliciting?
- Our new chef is very strict about punctuality and meeting deadlines.
- Could you control these figures for me, please?
- The meal was lovely, but the main course wasn't as tasteful as the dessert.
- Unexpectedly, there were only little tourists there, so the place wasn't crowded at all.
- Is this report exhausting or do you still need to write on it?
- If the account is not cleared by Friday, send them this remainder, will you?
- We should take strict measures if we want to fasten the process.
Activity 1a
| Word |
BE |
AE |
| 1. rest room |
lounge, assigned for resting |
toilet |
| 2. fag |
cigarette |
homosexual |
| 3. loo |
toilet |
can be mistaken for the name Lou |
| 4. to bathe |
to swim |
to wash oneself |
| 5. cowboy |
unscrupulous person in business, often unqualified |
person who herds cattle |
| 6. chaps |
men |
chaparejos, cowboy's leather protection for the front of the legs |
| 7. second floor |
third level of a multi-storeyed building |
second level of a multi-storeyed building |
| 8. hood |
head and neck covering |
car bonnet |
| 9. anorak |
boring person |
waterproof jacket |
| 10. bird |
slang term for 'girl', 'young woman' |
bird |
Activity 1b
| Word |
AE |
BE |
| 1. bum |
vagrant |
backside |
| 2. boob tube |
TV |
ladies' tight top |
| 3. flat |
puncture, flat tyre |
apartment |
| 4. pissed |
upset |
drunk |
| 5. pants |
trousers |
underwear, knickers |
| 6. suspenders |
braces |
attachments to ladies' stockings |
| 7. vest |
waistcoat |
undershirt |
| 8. dirt |
soil |
filth |
| 9. caddie |
cart, trolley |
a golfer's assistant |
| 10. puff |
smoke |
homosexual |
Activity 2
| BE |
AE |
"Where does your solicitor live?"
"In a maisonette near the tube station." |
I've got a meeting in Dublin tomorrow; could you reserve a round trip for me, please? |
| Don't drink water from the tap when you go on holidays to Africa. |
Don't forget to write the zip code on the envelope. |
| John's a lorry driver; he's away to France now and he'll be back in a fortnight. |
Hello, is this Mr Jordan? Do you accept a collect call? |
| Our office is on the ground floor, the lavatory is over there and the lift is around the corner. |
"What are you doing on the weekend ?"
"I'm staying [...] home." |
"Where's my dressing gown?"
"I think I saw it lying on top of the duvet." |
Drive past the gas station and you'll see the sign to the turnpike. |
| You should have used a full stop and not a semicolon after that sentence. |
We had a flat on the highway and I couldn't find my cell phone to call the AA. |
| What I really like about the language classes is that they are always bespoke. |
I parked my station wagon at that parking lot in front of the drugstore. |
| I fixed an ad with some drawing pins on the notice board in the canteen. |
Ask for the check while I tie my shoe strings, will you? |
| Someone tried to steal the briefcase from the car, because the windscreens are smashed. |
Did you see the train schedule? |
| Throw those crisps and biscuits into the dustbin, will you? |
Pull the drapes and put that ManU jumper on; there's soccer on TV tonight. |
| After I finish writing my CV, I'll join you to the cinema. |
We hired a realtor to value our house before we put it on the market. |
| Remind me to write in my diary that I should give my secretary a rise. |
Hand me the wrench, not the flashlight, you nerd! |
Activity 3
| Error |
Correction |
| 1. to multiply, used intransitively, means 'to procreate' |
to make copies |
| 2. large means 'big, huge, of great size' |
long |
| 3. very fine means 'exquisite, of high quality' |
fine |
| 4. stopped to drink means 'stopped somewhere in order to drink something' |
stopped drinking |
| 5. to solicit means 'accost men and offer one's services as a prostitute' |
to apply |
| 6. chef means 'cook' |
boss, supervisor |
| 7. to control means 'to dominate, to restrain' |
to check |
| 8. tasteful means 'stylish, posh' |
tasty |
| 9. little means 'small, minute, tiny' |
few |
| 10. exhausting means 'tiresome, weary' |
exhaustive |
| 11. remainder means 'rest, surplus, excess' |
reminder |
| 12. to fasten means 'to tie, to connect' |
to speed up |
Chiasson, P-E., Using Humour in the Second Language Classroom, http://iteslj.org
Dickinson, D., Humour and the Multiple Intelligences, www.newhorizons.org/strategies/mi
Peachey, N., Sense of Humour, www.teachingenglish.org.uk
www.musicalenglishlessons.org
www.funtrivia.com
Please check the Fun, Laughter and Learning course at Pilgrims website.
Please check the Certificate in Teaching English to Business People course at Pilgrims website.
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