Humanising Language Teaching
Year 3; Issue 2; March 2001

Not Putting Myself Down

by Linda Bawcom, Madrid, Spain

When asked what I do for a living, I would like to say 'I am being a teacher'. It expresses that I am still, after twenty years, in the process of learning, learning about teaching, and about myself as a teacher. What I have learned recently is that we ourselves are, at times, responsible for 'teacher burn-out' due to unrealistic expectations of ourselves (and our students) within a teaching situation.

I believe that this is partly due to the fact that unlike many other professions, we are trained to continually reflect upon and evaluate our work each time we perform it. These reflections can easily lead to feelings of guilt and insecurity.

For example, I used to walk out of classes and end terms with a 'should list' enumerating each sin with a small voice inside saying mea culpa. In addition, the more I learned about teaching, the more the list expanded. If I wrote my list it would look something like this.

I should do more learner training.	I should do more pronunciation.
I shouldn't talk so much.	I should be better prepared.
I should be more creative.	I should play more games.
I shouldn't translate.	I should show more video clips.
I shouldn't miss so many opportunities.	I should do action research.
I should learn more about CALL.	I should do class projects.
I should work more on class dynamics.	I should do more dictionary work.
I should try to be more sympathetic toward that rude, intolerant student.

If a lesson went well and almost everyone seemed to enjoy it, I would concentrate on the 'almost'. Why did that student seem bored, or indifferent? What could I have done better so he or she would have participated more actively? No matter how well the class went there was always the feeling that I could have done it better, done it differently, changed the order of activities or the pacing. No matter how well the term went, nor how good the evaluations were, in the end the 'shoulds' or 'should haves' lingered on.

What I thought I was being reflective was in fact, being negative. 'Should lists' are expectations of ourselves (and others) that we (they) typically fall short of and are often unrealistic. After reflecting on that thought for a while, I decided to look at my 'should list' again in terms of the context in which I was teaching. What could I realistically do/have done, given the teaching situation (e.g. limits of time, length of syllabus, student needs, material and equipment availability, teaching experience)? Based on this concept, I began crossing things off my 'should list' and what was left became my 'goal list'. Those things that I felt I really wanted to do professionally and was capable of doing.

Next, I began to stop thinking negatively. For example, if I made a mistake in class or an activity didn't work, I realized that that didn't make the whole lesson a disaster nor me a complete failure. I stopped some of the unproductive, demoralizing thinking that was causing a lot of stress. I stopped dwelling on the negative details and began concentrating on what did go right. I stopped 'mind-reading'. If most of my students seemed to be cooperating, participating and enjoying the lesson, I stopped thinking that the bored, disinterested student thought my lesson was terrible. (He or she may just be having a bad day.) I began to reflect more on the future, what I could do in the next lesson that would be useful and interesting and stopped feeling so guilty about the past lesson, which I couldn't change in any case.

I also think it is important to keep in mind (at least in my training experience) that we are taught how to teach given the best of circumstances (e.g. we have almost complete control over input, access to equipment, material, expert advice and so on) and we continually compare our own teaching to that training. If you are a new teacher, and all you have is one book, chalk and a blackboard, you can only expect so much of yourself and your students.

One last thing I began to do is 'self-talk'. I started saying nice things to myself, as if I were talking to a friend. Granted, at the beginning, I felt a bit foolish, but it's amazing how phrases like

• It's no big deal.
• I'm taking this too seriously.
• It's not my problem.
• Go for it!
• I'm intelligent, happy, warm, and sincere.
• I'm a great teacher!
• I can do it!

start making you believe more in yourself. Think a moment. If a colleague that you respect has had a bad day, aren't these some of things you would say? Surely, we can be as kind to ourselves as we would be to him or her.

In classes we can teach strategies that help students overcome affective factors which impede their progress. We can teach relaxation exercises, do activities which promote self-confidence and through activities in classroom dynamics, how to participate in order to overcome shyness, be more tolerant of each other, and be more patient with themselves. Wouldn´t it be nice if we had been taught the same such strategies in our training programs?

In closing, I do not wish to imply that the above strategies are a panacea for all stressful events in our teaching, (although I do hope you will find them helpful) nor that changing a way of thinking is easy. It takes a lot of practice. What I am suggesting is that while reflecting upon our teaching is necessary and beneficial, that taken to extremes, it can be one of the causes of 'burn-out' and that a few helpful strategies in avoiding this might be a useful component to add to a training program.

If you would like to comment, please contact me at: lbawcom@retemail.es

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