Humanising Language Teaching
Year 6; Issue 1; January 2004

Bob Monkhouse Jokes

(Monkhouse, a major UK comedian, died in December 2003. The jokes that follow give a taste of his art)

People always say: “ You're a comedian, tell us a joke.”
They don't say: “ You're a Member of Parliament, tell us a lie! “

How can we expect a politician to believe in the wisdom of the people when he knows it was the people who voted him in?

My wife said: “ Can my mother come down for the week-end? “
So I said: “ Why ”?
And she said: “ Well, she's been on the roof two weeks already! “

I'm not saying my wife is a bad cook, but she uses the smoke alarm as a timer.

A tomcat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol in to the pilot's ribs and demanded:
“ Take me to the canaries! “

I still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance!

Silence is not only golden; it is seldom misquoted.