Ansaphone Jokes

We thank the authors and the publisher (Alma Edizioni, Florence) of Letture in Gioco 2003 for the texts that follow:

This is the 396516 voice mail service. I am at home but I don't want to talk. If you do, then leave a message. (from Nanni Moretti's film "La messa e finita")

In a TV presenter voice:
Good morning. This is the family's voicemail service. We leave home at 7.30. The children go to school and we go to work. We will be away all day long. We'll probably be back at 7.00 pm. We apologise in advance for any unforeseen changes to this timetable, and we hope you have enjoyed this message. ( Roby & Paolo)

If you have an important message, speak after the bleep, if you intend to talk rubbish, put the receiver back and talk to yourselves.(AA.VV)

Hello there! I can't talk to you right now because I am chained up in trunk but if you happen to have a copy of 101 Ways to Escape please read me Chapter Three as loud as you can, the chapter on handcuffs...(D. Simmons)

This is my secret number which no one knows, not even me, so please tell me what it is as you the only person in the world who knows it. (C. Barbero-I Soggetti)

Nerio, this is me, Augusto….if you hear this message on your mobile phone voice mail leave a message on my home voice mail as I'm going to have a sauna and my mobile does not work in there but when I come out I'll call you and if your mobile is off I'll leave you a message at home to tell you if I am taking the train where you can call me from 8.30 to 9.00 because then there are tunnels, but I could also call your voice mail to tell you which hotel I'll be in or if my batteries run out you call my home voice mail so I'll try and transfer the call, and if I don't manage to do this I'll leave a number on your home voice mail a number where you can call me to let me know when you will have you mobile switched on so I can call you. (from Stafano Benni's Bar Sport 20000)

Primary School Jokes

forwarded by Cecile Marit, Belgium

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was definitely swallowed by a whale. The story says so.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human.
When I get to heaven, the little girl said, I'll ask Jonah.
What if Jonah went to Hell?
Then you ask him.

This little girl was watching her mother doing the washing up when she suddenly realised her Mum has several strands of white hair.
Mum, why has some of your hair gone white?
Well, see, every time you are naughty a bit more of my hair turns white.
There was a short pause as the little girl thought this one through:
How come all Grandma's hair is white?

A Sunday School teacher was discussing the Decalogue with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to honour thy father and thy mother she asked them if God had said anything about how to treat brother and sisters. Yes Miss, piped up one six year old, Thou shalt not kill.