Englishness and Other Problems

Monica Hoogstad, UK

Monica is a freelance Business English and Legal English teacher, with eighteen years experience in ELT. She is particularly keen on coaching Advanced Learners. Her current interests are NLP and Multiple Intelligences, the cognitive function of metaphor, and teaching while having fun (and the other way around).

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Introduction
Background
Activities
Conclusion
Answers
References

Introduction

When we discuss Englishness, I ask my students to brainstorm ideas and come up with anything they consider typical English. We always end up with the usual clichés, like cream teas, double-deckers and hooligans. After consulting The Xenophobe Guide to the English, they may even add passion for queuing and pointless talks about the weather. But nobody, so far, has thought of mentioning language. Well, nobody except the study guide to the British citizenship test, where no less than seven pages are allocated to words regarded as a must-know for anyone who attempts to live and work in Britain. Amongst them, you’ll find a delightful mix-and-match allsorts, including 10 Downing Street, Archbishop of Canterbury, bank holiday, binge drinking, bonfire night, British Empire, divorce, Father Christmas, Geordie and Scouse.

Background

Indeed, language is one of the most important markers of a culture, reflecting national quirks and foibles, habits and beliefs, history and traditions. That is why I choose to focus on language when trying to define national traits. For a bit of fun, I make a selection of typically English vocab – frequently used collocations, whose meaning is taken for granted by the Brits, but that are rather obscure to outsiders, whether native speakers of English or not – and invite the students to conjecture the meaning. At the end of the test, if they replied that an agony aunt is a suffering female relative, a hard shoulder is the result of an accident in the gym, a flat mate is a chess move, and a gravy boat is a sort of catamaran, they’d obviously end up talking at cross-purposes as soon as they set foot in England. Activities 1a and 1b take students by the hand and lead them through the thorny path of British English vocab.

When people’s response to "I’m not so sure about it" is "OK, then I’ll try to convince you" or when "I’m not going to comment on that" is interpreted as "She has nothing to add to it" – there’s no shadow of doubt that they need professional help. To appease those learners who simply cannot wade through the vagueness the English seem to be so fond of and who have the impression that the English never say what they mean, I’ve designed Activities 2a and 2b. Together with Activity 3, they attempt to come to the rescue by helping students identify, understand and produce tentative patterns of discourse.

Activities

Activity 1a

Choose the correct answer to define the words written in italics.

1. A lollipop lady who faces the axe under council cash-saving plans is urging everyone to join her in a protest at a key meeting.
1. a school canteen cook
2. a volunteer nurse
3. a traffic guard
4. a confectionery vendor
2. The agony aunt has become an all-round life analyst and motivator to enable you to change your outlook on life.
1. a personal coach
2. a computer analyst
3. a homoeopathic healer
4. a journalist who writes an advice column
3. A hard shoulder allows some extra flexibility, should you need to take evasive action.
1. an emergency lane
2. plaster cast around a broken shoulder
3. someone you can confide in
4. a support pillar
4. Many local authorities neglect to maintain the lay-byes to an adequate degree, and – in some areas – they may be even missing entirely.
1. a construction site
2. a roadside parking area
3. a quiet area in a park
4. a landfill area
5. Funding for the research, which would outline the economic case for having a dual carriageway, looks set to be approved at today’s meeting.
1. a road for carriages only
2. a divided motorway
3. a roundabout
4. an alternative road for heavy traffic

Activity 1b

Choose the correct answer to define the words written in italics.

1. Since they’ve increased their fees, British Telecom have become everyone’s Aunt Sally.
1. admired by everyone
2. envied by everyone
3. castigated by everyone
4. rejected by everyone
2. I don’t know where she’s now, but the last time I saw her she was in the Wendy house.
1. playhouse
2. nursing home for mental patients
3. loo
4. pigsty
3. It’s the local councils’ responsibility to tackle fly tipping in urban and rural areas.
1. hitch-hiking
2. dumping waste
3. giving tips
4. paragliding
4. I always get carried away and tend to overspend when I go to a boot sale.
1. end of season shoe sale
2. second-hand car sale
3. flea market
4. auction
5. Our kitchen textile product range includes tea towels, aprons, oven mitts and tea cosies.
1. table cloths for tea parties
2. cloth napkins
3. cloths for polishing silver tea sets
4. cloths for drying dishes

Activity 2a

British people are often considered hypocrites by their business partners. It seems they never speak their mind and never call a spade a spade, which can create serious confusion and misunderstanding. Can you figure out what British people mean when they say the following?

1. The evaluation report you sent me is not too bad.
1. It’s very poor.
2. It’s very good.
3. It’s a bit disappointing.
2. I’ve read your proposal and I find it interesting.
1. It’s rubbish.
2. I’m impressed.
3. I’ll think about it.
3. I hear what you say, Mr Reed.
1. I share your point of view
2. I couldn’t disagree more.
3. I can hear you very well.
4. We are awaiting your reply at your earliest convenience.
1. Whenever you have some time.
2. Early in the morning.
3. As soon as possible.
5. Perhaps you’d like to take the minutes of the meeting, Ms Brenda?
1. Consider this option.
2. Do it.
3. Don’t do it.

Activity 2b

Bearing in mind that courtesy and avoiding open confrontations are key concepts, and that Britons are champions of understatement, read the following sentences and choose the most appropriate answer. What do British people really mean when they say:

1. I must say, this is a most original idea, my dear.
1. I think you’re bonkers.
2. I think you’re a genius.
3. I think you’re very original.
2. That’s a good point and I’ll bear it in mind.
1. I’ll remember what you said.
2. I’ll do nothing about it.
3. I’ll take immediate action.
3. It’s a pity you couldn’t attend our meeting yesterday afternoon.
1. I couldn’t care less.
2. I understand you had a problem.
3. I’m very cross with you.
4. By the way, Mr Sutton, do you have the figures at hand?
1. That’s our main interest.
2. It doesn’t really matter if you can’t find them.
3. We’re just slightly interested.
5. It’s not a bad idea at all, but could you give it a second thought?
1. It’s a very bad idea.
2. It’s a very good idea.
3. Think about it some more.

Activity 3

This is a vocab acquisition, recycling and review activity – all in one.

• Announce you’re going to play a game involving formal and informal English.
• Get the group to split into two teams that are going to compete against each other.
• Invite each team to select two tentative expressions from Activities 2a and 2b, and give each team six new British English words and four new tentative phrases (see table).

• Each team should appoint two speakers and two interpreters. The first speaker is supposed to give an informal speech, using the colloquial British words, while the interpreter ‘translates’ everything into formal English. The second speaker gives a very formal speech, using the tentative expressions, while the interpreter ‘translates’ everything into down-to-earth English.
• Allow the teams preparation time, make sure there is a good monolingual dictionary available, and be prepared to assist with explanations and suggestions.
• The team that give the funniest and the most creative speeches and translations are the winners.

Conclusion

If, after reading all these, you’re still wondering what Englishness really is, you’re not alone. Actually, you’re in good company: anthropologists, sociologists, politicians, writers and journalists of great calibre have tried (and failed) to come up with a satisfactory answer to this question. Some argue that there’s no such thing as Englishness, others are still on a quest to find this holy Grail, others regard it as a behavioural grammar, while the rest simply couldn’t care less. No matter with which of these groups you’d like to affiliate yourself, bear in mind that "the English are the most enigmatically indecipherable people when seen from outside. Even from the inside, what is definable isn’t always understandable. Their homespun enigma is itself part of the carefully engineered English mythology."(Gill, 2005)

Answers

Activity 1a
1c, 2d, 3a, 4b, 5b

Activity 1b
1c, 2a, 3b, 4c, 5d

Activity 2a
1b, 2a, 3b, 4c, 5b

Activity 2b
1a, 2b, 3c, 4a, 5a

Activity 3
Colloquial British (Please note that these are not the answers, but merely definitions.)

Tentative phrases

References

British Citizenship Test, 2006, London: Red Squirrel Publishing.

Fox, K., 2004, Watching the English. The hidden rules of English behaviour, London: Hodder & Stoughton.

Gill, A., A., 2005, The Angry Island. Hunting the English, London: Phoenix.

Miall, A., Milsted, D., 2000, The Xenophobe’s Guide to the English., London: Oval Books.

Paxman, J., 1999, The English. The portrait of a people, London: Penguin Books.

Please check the British Life, Language and Culture course at Pilgrims website.
Please check the Secondary Teaching course at Pilgrims website.
Please check the Methodology for Teaching Spoken Grammar and Language course at Pilgrims website.