Humanising Language Teaching
Year 4; Issue 5; September 02

This teacher goes up to Heaven.

St Peter shows her the heaven for businessmen- she has never seen such beauty and luxury. He shows her the Heaven for Doctors….. need I say more…?

And now he lets her see the Heaven for Teachers- this section is also luxurious and well-appointed but…… it's completely empty!

" Where are all the teachers?" she asks.

" They're down in Hell for a couple of weeks on a Teacher Training Course!"

" What do psychotics spend a lot of time doing?"
" Well, maybe….. building castles in the air?"
" Right. And neurotics, what do they do? "
" They go and live in the castles in the air."
" And what about the psychiatrists?"
" They collect the rent!"

" Did you all do the homework?….. Good, and now for some questions: What part of the human body increases its volume tenfold when it is stimulated?

Penelope looks at the teacher furiously and tells him she will report him to the Head Teacher.

He calmly repeats the question to the class.

Dimitri's hand shoots up:

" I think it is the pupil, the pupil of the eye."

" Correct" the teacher says and then turns to Penelope:

" Let me just tell you three things:
First, you have proved to the whole class what a filthy mind you have.
Second, you have proved you did not do your homework.
And the third and most important thing is that when you grow older you are going to be desperately disappointed! "

Eric Berne, the father of T.A., is on a plane. His neighbour turns to him and asks him what he does:
" I' m a Transactional Analyst ."
" Oh, I know what you work on … parent, adult, child… isn't that it?
" Well, yes, I suppose so…. and what do you do?"
" I'm astronomer."
" Oh,
I know what you work on: ' Twinkle twinkle Little Star'! "

I saw this little girl sitting on the curbside, crying her eyes out. I asked her why she was so unhappy.

" Because I lost a 1000 Dong note."

I pulled out a note for this amount and put it in her grubby, little hand.

She stared at the money for a moment and then began crying again, even harder.

" Why are you crying , now you've got your money back?"

" Because I'd've had 2000 Dong if I hadn't lost the first note!"

The king had heard that the men in his kingdom were seriously hen-pecked.
To find out if this was true he summoned a great crowd of men to his Palace courtyard.

He went out on the balcony and addressed them:

" If you are the sort of man who always does what his wife says, step five paces to your right."

All the men stepped to their right except for one short, fat guy.
The king commended him for his independent-mindedness.
The man came forward under the balcony:

" Before I left home this morning, my wife gave me strict orders to not to follow the crowd! "