Three Jokes

submitted by Edwin Salter

Based in King's Lynn, Dr. Edwin Salter has particular interests in creative teaching, therapeutic communication, and speech. E-mail: kl.humanfactors@virgin.net

Menu

Positive thinking?
Social success and history
Here and there

Positive thinking?

In search of tress,
I need be funct
And ritable with friends.

I’ll surely pugn
My mood dulate,
All negatives suspend.

So dis and de,
Ir, im and un,
Are banished as you see.

Thus ert and ane,
Not censed or grate,
Life’s positive, no pain.

I’m now sular,
No doubts to stil,
Terim my guiding star.

Lost out on in,
Aghast, I fear
False prefix leads to ruin.

No in – oh Fate!
My love is now
Both cessant and timate.

Social success and history

(Social conventions around the world are strangely diverse. It may help to imagine that the eccentric Mr. Tyler (T) has spotted a new neighbour (N) very busy with his DIY tiling job. Tyler attempts to introduce himself but only achieves absurd confusions. You need to know that Wat Tyler, who led the Peasants’ Revolt in 1381, was killed – ‘got what for’ - confronting King Richard II.)

T) How do you do.
N) What?
T) How do you do.
N) Yes, hallo. What?
T) Oh sorry, er, Watt. Tyler!
N) What tiler?
T) No, actually. Ha, ha. Not the chap who got on badly with King Richard, you know.
N) No?
T) Of course you know. Yes Dick did for Wat.
N) Four what?
T) He certainly did get what for, did Wat.
N) What?
T) Tyler! So glad to have had this chat. What ho, Watt!

Here and there

(The phrase “there, there” is sometimes used to console. A parent might say to a child who has a small hurt, “There, there, kiss it better”. The following is addressed to an unhappy student of English or, perhaps, Philosophy.)

Now we’re here, of course, but for those other people where we are is ‘over there’. So we can refer to this place both as ‘our here’ and as ‘their there’. Please don’t cry. I understand how difficult it is.

You writhe ere ‘their there’. There, there. Their ‘there’ they’re therefore seeing as over here.

Simple really, but silly them I say.

Please check the Improving English through Humour course at Pilgrims website.