A Pronunciation Story from a Shop Assistant in Bern

Nuria Smyth, Switzerland

Nuria is from Ireland and has been teaching English in the Jura canton in Switzerland for 4 years. She is currently working at the Ecole de commerce in Delémont. She also teaches English to primary school teachers who will teach English to their own students in the future. Email: nuriasmyth@hotmail.com

It wasn't my finest moment of working at Stauffacher but, thanks to my very English ear and a customer's very Swiss pronunciation, it was certainly the funniest...

Swiss customer: I need a book on cheeses.

In the Cookery section I get out our three books on cheese.

Customer, shaking her head: Not cheese, CHEE-SES

At this point I am wondering if cheese has a plural. Was it like sheep, with none? Or more like fish, plural when more than one type is involved? Or was this a Swinglish plural, like informations. Not wanting to get into a discussion on that, I try again, going with the plural in the hope that it helps.

Me: So you are looking for something about cheeses?

Customer: Yes, books on the holey cheeses.

Me, smiling: Ah, a book on Swiss cheeses.

Customer, looking at me as if I am simple: There is no Swiss cheeses.

Me, now wondering about a singular verb with a plural noun: We do have books on Swiss cheeses.

Customer, very irritated: Cheeses was not Swiss. Cheeses was the Son of God.

Me, finally catching up: Oh, you mean Jesus.

Customer: Yes, this is what I have been saying. A book on cheeses.

No-one has ever let me forget my encounter with Swiss Jesus.

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