Humanising Language Teaching
Year 3; Issue 2; March 2000

Two Jokes from China and a letter from a doting mother

Major things

These two men were talking to each other about their marriages:

" Who's in charge in your house?" asks the first man.

" Well I look after all the major things and my wife sees to the minor things."

" Really, I see, and which do you are reckon are the major things?"

" Good question- we've only been married ten years but so far there haven't been any major things…."

The slaps

" You see, Lu, there was this attractive girl standing in the bus, with me behind her. I saw that the zip of her dress at the back was undone.. so I zipped it up for her.

She half-turned and slapped me in the face.

A moment later she slapped me again.

And then … well, she just went on slapping me."

" I can't understand , why did she do that ".

" Well, you remember I zipped her dress up for her..then she slapped me and I thought she must want her dress open at the back so I unzipped it. But she still wasn't pleased and hit me again…so I zipped it up…"

A LETTER FROM A DOTING MOTHER

Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. You won't know the house when you get home - we have moved.

About your father - he has a lovely new job. He has 500 men under him - he cuts grass at the cemetery. There was a washing machine at the new house when we moved in but it hasn't been working too good. Last week I put in 14 shirts, pulled the chain, and haven't seen the shirts since.

Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I haven't found out whether it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle.

Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of drink in the Brewery. Some of his workmates tried to save him but he fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it took three days to put out the fire.

I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.

It only rained twice this week, first for three days and then for four days. Monday was so windy one of the chickens laid the same egg four times. We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the last payment on your Grandmother's plot wasn't paid in seven days, up she comes.