Humanising Language Teaching
Year 5; Issue 2; March 03

Self- esteem : a matter of everyday doing.

by Juan Uribe, Brasil ( Juan runs a language school for kindergarten aged children)

If this article interests you, Pilgrims offers courses in this area. Click here for more information.

We all know that self-esteem is in great part the determining factor of the success a person achieves in life. It sets how we choose our friends, our profession, and the lifestyle we are going to have. But how do we develop it from the early years ?

There are many definitions of what self-estem really is. I found a simple and clear one by Dorothy Briggs: Self-esteem is to feel loved and to feel able. There is a great difference in parents loving their children and their children feeling loved. Children value themselves in the same way that they have been valued by significant people in their lives.

Besides respecting children physically, parents must pay attention to children's feelings. This is an area parents take for granted and believe they are always doing their job. Sentences such as: “Why did I have a child ?” or “I wanted a girl, but a boy came” convey feelings that the child is not loved. Comments such as: ”I love you because you are a great student.” bring conditional love and feelings of insecurity. These children lose ground when they do not go well on a test. They immediately ask themselves”Am I loved now?” . Parents must accept their sons and daughters in the way they are and never use their love as a manipulation tool.

Affirmations made by parents are always taken as the absolute truth by children. Be careful with sentences such as: “My son is good in Math and doesn't have talent for arts” or “You are messy”. Just say “Today your room has many things out of place, I'd like you to have it tidy”. Language has a lot of power !

The self-acceptance and sociability come from the family bond and it is of vital importance that the child can express himself or herself freely. An interesting way to incentivate sharing at meal times is to have every family member saying a good and a bad thing that happened during the day. Unexpected things will come up and members are better able to see themselves. Television should be definitely off.

Children give up when somebody believes they are no longer able to achieve something. Share your dreams and projects. Give chances for children to know different kinds of music, arts, theater, and sports. Parents should show and teach children how to achieve development and goals and celebrate together when a member has conquered an objective.

I believe that teachers and parents can together make a big difference in the shaping of tne personality of our students and children. In one of my meetings with Robert Reasoner, president of the international Council on Self-Esteem, he told me: Juan, self-esteem is not a matter of knowing, it is a matter of doing. And I complete adding: it is a matter of doing everyday.

Here below I have prepared a list of 100 ways that we can show our children that we care. Let's start today !

1. Set rules with them
2. Be available to meet privately
3. Brainstorm problems they might have at school and find solutions
4. Contact students when they miss several days
5. Contact parents of students who do well
6. Be clear with expectations
7. Make it unacceptable to ridicule anybody
8. Display trust in their work
9. Have a bulletin board with outstanding work
10. Acknowledge different cultures in your class
11. Use different teaching styles
12. Write positive comments on students' homework
13. Share likes and dislikes
14. Give them choice of homework
15. Look in their eyes
16. Smile.
17. Touch them gently in the shoulder
18. Use cooperative learning
19. Pay attention to isolates
20. Research mixed-ability activities
21. Have special interest groups
22. Play the body game
23. Have experts on certain areas
24. Do something for the community as a group
25. Help them to set goals
26. Identify heroes and role models
27. Display quotes at the front of the room and discuss them
28. Give objective feedback to students
29. Help them with time planning
30. Have a celebration when a major goal has been achieved
31. Use Brain Gym
32. Listen. Listen. Listen.
33. Encourage them to ask mates for help
34. Ask how they would like to do things
35. Ask them how they liked activities
36. Express interest in them as individuals
37. Seek to understand how they are feeling
38. Let them know you appreciate their work
39. Avoid patronizing
40. Ask them to redo work when it is below what they could have done
41. Redirect behavior in private
42. Let them demonstrate their strengths
43. Talk about the origin of names
44. Use puppets to redo hard situations that happened in class
45. Send get better and birthday cards
46. Develop a mentoring system
47. Read stories from people who have made it despite difficulties
48. Have a Special day for every student
49. Do circle time
50. Study NLP and teach reframing
51. Use visualization to see future goals
52. Develop a class slogan
53. Use soothing music at the beginning of a class
54. Let them know what is coming next
55. Establish routines
56. Let them evaluate you
57. Teach social skills
58. Applause the group
59. Develop traditions
60. Ask
61. Let them show their feelings
62. Never ever label
63. Set limits that protect them
64. Give them undivided attention
65. Share their discoveries
66. Let them teach you something
67. Contribute to their collections
68. Tell them jokes to relax after hard moments
69. Apologize when wrong
70. Thank
71. Get to know their families
72. Tell them how proud you are
73. Let them commit mistakes
74. Inspire them
75. Build something together
76. Be spontaneous
77. Expect the best, not perfection
78. Hide a surprise
79. Accept them as they are
80. Dream with them
81. Praise more
82. Criticize less
83. Be flexible
84. Be curious towards their attitudes
85. Play with them
86. Ask for their opinions
87. Have a feelings chart
88. Use psychodrama
89. Talk to them at their height
90. Pay special attention to some students in days that are hard for them
91. Be honest
92. Work on your self-esteem
93. Keep your promises
94. Give them unconditional love
95. Tell them you have missed them during holidays
96. Ask for help
97. Be silly together
98. Tolerate their interruptions
99. Make decisions together
100. Celebrate success together !!!