Background information about me
My homestay Japanese family
Using and not using Japanese on the NLP course
The interpreter on the NLP Course
How I deal with Japanese Values
Conclusion

Taking an NLP course is a brilliant way of improving your Japanese, n'est-ce pas? That was the question Mario Rinvolucri, editor of Humanizing Language Teaching, put to me after I wrote to thank him for the fascinating summer course he had taught on Multiple Intelligences at Pilgrims, a teacher trainers' college in the U.K. He was reacting to my exciting news about finding a Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) course in Tokyo and although the course was in Japanese, there was translation into English. Mario commented further: “Does it work that way for intermediate learners of Japanese.... or am I dreaming? How good is the rapport between the NLP person and the interpreter?” These and other questions Mario peppered me with. I thought long and hard about his letter for it was a challenge I wanted to clarify for myself.

Background information about me

First of all, some brief background information about myself. I have been teaching English in Japan for the past seven years in a national university programme that is communicative and project based. Prior to this, I taught ESL/EFL/ESP at McGill and Concordia Universities in Montreal and for CIDA for a year in China in 1983-84. I have always considered myself a successful language learner and am fluent in French and Spanish. I have also dabbled briefly in Chinese and Russian. I have lived and/or worked in several countries, traveled widely and have two Mexican step-grandchildren. Needless to say, I was not at all prepared for my culture shock in Japan or for failing to meet my expectations in becoming proficient in the Japanese language. I resist the thinking that the older you become, the more difficult it is to learn a language. I believe that, to be a successful language learner, you need to be in love with the language or at the very least, excited about it. To my way of thinking, learning a language is comparable to coming under the sway of a heady romantic attraction. Of course, there is the more realistic side to the relationship to consider, in that, to succeed, there is a labour of love which needs take place, similar to the considerable effort required to maintain any intercultural relationship. You have to feel motivated to work at it and enjoy every opportunity to improve your command of the language.

My homestay Japanese Family

In Japan, I have lived in home stay with a delightful old Japanese couple for the seven years I have been working here. They speak very little English and my Japanese, at most, is a wobbly intermediate, above high beginner, but hovering around the weak intermediate mark. I expected that this kind of immersion would help me progress more quickly in learning the language. Maybe, I was too confident that it would, as they speak very little English. Maybe, I should have focused less on advancing my career and studying Japanese more formally. (I do go to a class once a week but do little homework as I am really busy and just don't have the energy to concentrate on it the way I should. Yes, excuses, excuses!) With my old couple and, in general, I understand a lot more than I speak. I would describe my speaking as a form of 'lumberjacking'. I stride into a conversation almost fearlessly, cheerfully even, but, more often than not, the subtleties of the language, the intricacies of grammar, the numerous levels of politeness needed in Japanese are lost in the shuffle. From my long years as a beginners' instructor in ESL/EFL, I have become adept at making good wild guesses about what my students may be attempting to say and I can usually read between the lines. This same ability stands me in good stead when listening to basic Japanese. There are limits, however, such as attending department meetings where I can follow little of the more formal levels of polite, academic Japanese used. After about 15 minutes of hard concentration, my eyes begin to glaze over and my mind goes numb.

In spite of such drawbacks, I feel pretty good about the Japanese I do have in that I can get around in Japan and can communicate or negotiate in most survival situations IF the person I am talking to is relatively patient and doesn't panic when approached by a foreigner, (as can happen in Japan when the person addressed may run the other way, seeking to avoid the embarrassment of not being able to speak “adequate” English). For example: I can reserve a place in Japanese on the airport bus to go home to Canada for the holidays or I can phone the express luggage company to take my two pieces of luggage from my home stay to the airport: “No, no breakables” … “You can't pick up at 5 pm the night before? Then, 2 days before please” and so on...). This kind of thing, I can do. Needless to say, other foreigners after seven years in Japan and living in home stay, probably have a MUCH higher level of Japanese in all skills. Unfortunately, I do not. There are reasons for this, partly due to a very busy professional schedule, unrelenting culture shock, and so on, but to explore these in any detail, would be a whole other report. I will spare the yet gentle reader.

Using and not using my Japanese on the NLP Course

If I did have a higher level of Japanese than I do at present, the NLP courses I have started to take would indeed be a GREAT way to hone skills, maintain and improve my Japanese at an intermediate or advanced level. However, with my current level of language, I understand little of what the NLP trainer and other members of the group are expressing in Japanese about psychological situations where strong emotions may be expressed about hurt, abuse, disapproval, humiliation, sickness and so on. I am confronted with a steady stream of consciousness where I find myself floundering. Auditory speakers often talk faster and faster when dealing with painful situations and all communicate in natural language, slang, and even dialect. They infer, use irony, slur words, may throw in a few swear words, (although Japanese do not in general respect people who resort to swearing and so on. When listening/guiding in such situations, I do not think it is really appropriate to ask for repetition unless it be for the purposes of clarification of circumstances or feelings: it should be more to help the “client” than for me. In such cases, I have difficulty to follow little other than the main ideas and, if I am lucky, a few details. Moreover, if the person speaks in a soft or low voice, I may not be able to grasp what (s)he is saying in Japanese as there are other groups working at the same time and the room can be noisy. Although tolerance of ambiguity is often encouraged in ESL/EFL classes, when working closely with NLP partners counting on both input and guidance, it does not fair to them or me. To my way of thinking, NLP courses are too expensive to be content with getting the main ideas only.

I should add here that these courses in Tokyo are not focused on NLP in education but rather on NLP as a means to becoming a practitioner. However, in my heart of hearts, I am a teacher first and foremost, not a counselor nor do I particularly want to become one. In my case, the advantage of taking these courses is that not only will they improve my skills to truly listen to someone else in need (when using my mother tongue), but will also help me to calibrate others as to behavior, learning styles, body language, tone of voice, etc. Above all, it is my hope that these courses will assist me in creating more rapport with colleagues and most importantly, with students who come to me in or out of class so I may help facilitate a viable solution if needed. One of the principles of NLP is that 'the map is not the territory'. Only the person with the problem can find a fitting answer but the listener/guide can listen and help.

Why is it that I do not understand more in these NLP courses and more specifically, why does it not benefit my learning the language to a greater degree? Well, first off, there is the vocabulary. Is this not the plaintive cry of every language student you have ever had in your classes? And here I am, shamelessly, adding myself to their ranks. At my present wobbly intermediate level of learning, I do not know such words as spiritual/environment/[del]/resource/failure/calibrate/positive intention/assistants/master's level/counselor, and so on and so forth. These are words I seldom encounter or use in my daily life. They are vernacular usually more closely associated with psychology and NLP. I do pick up a few more words each time I attend a session but progress is relatively slow as I am usually struggling to follow the fast pace of a problem and such words flash by and are gone before I recognize them.

To be honest, the aim of my attending these courses is less to acquire language than a pressing need I feel to put some order in my life, make necessary adjustments at work and elsewhere, explore my identity in relation to the Japanese culture and deal with ongoing culture shock that I am ashamed to admit I feel even after seven years of living in Japan. It is a matter of survival in this culture with its many traditions, beliefs, attitudes, strict rules of bowing to the will of the group, use of silences, and so on. It has less to do with improving my Japanese.

After seven years of home stay, my old couple and I have all settled in together comfortably, expressing ourselves in words we know will get our meaning across, even if the words are not always the right ones. I am their “Japanese” daughter and, to live in their home, I need to accept their traditional rules and conservative way of life. This means that I must be home by 10 p.m. or sleep in my office as the old gentleman in my home stay cannot fall sleep unless he knows the door has been safely locked. We make ourselves understood somehow, although there are limits as to what we can discuss. We scoff at and question each other's cultural values sometimes, probably because we don't truly understand why something was done in a certain way but underneath, there is a real care and belief in each other. Sometimes, I say I understand when I really don't, simply because I just can't face the frustration or disappointment of one more communication breakdown. (Ye Gods, how often, may it be so in my language classes too?) As it is, I am ever so grateful for their kindness and perseverance with me. I am told that it is very unusual for foreign guests to stay much longer than a few months in a Japanese home. I think my old couple is exceptional. I am not sure I would fare as well in comparison at their age, should I be put in a similar situation in Canada.

The interpreter on the NLP Course

But to get back to the NLP courses, although not soft voiced, the interpreter in the NLP sessions does have to be considerate of others in the room and avoid distracting them. They too are paying customers. I feel torn between focusing completely on the words of the interpreter or attempting to listen to what is being expressed in Japanese with the consequence that I seem to miss meaning in BOTH languages. I am VERY fortunate that the interpreter, herself a counselor, is there to also pave the way for changes and learning I want to make. During and after the classes, I am more focused on and motivated to reflect on the insights I have gained in the sessions. Writing down the MANY, MANY new words I meet on the fly seems less of a priority. I am looking forward to the day when I can take a course in NLP in my own language or other languages I am fluent in.

The two-three other foreigners attending the NLP courses have a much better grasp of the language and are either fluent or very nearly so. They are married to Japanese people and do not hesitate much to stand up in front of the whole group and talk about challenges or changes they are making in their lives when it comes time for that kind of exchange. Only one stays in more or less close proximity to the interpreter to check sometimes when she may not quite have understood something. I feel extremely shy to stand up and talk about my problems even in English (although I HAVE done it once). With time, I hope to change this but I am not ready to do that yet.

Of course, the relation between the interpreter and the sensei, the teacher, can have a direct positive or negative effect on the listener. Few people in the room realize that they are actually mother and daughter and Keiko (name changed), the daughter, doesn't go out of her way to make this known. When not interpreting, Keiko works there in the office.

I appreciate Keiko very much. She has lived in America a long time and speaks much better English than her teacher/boss/mom. Both have studied at the NLP University in California. The sensei/mom is experienced and highly professional in her counseling. She can size up a situation very quickly and suggest the most appropriate technique to use. Keiko seems to admire her mom in this aspect a great deal. I never sense any latent tension between them and since I too studied professional interpreting in Belgium many years ago, I REALLY appreciate the quality of her interpreting. She stays calm and unattached to a particularly emotionally charged situation and keeps clear commentaries/interpretation coming my way throughout the long two days of each intensive study weekend.

Perhaps, it is because I am strongly auditory that I tend to focus so totally on what Keiko is saying in English and take copious notes. I really sink totally into what I am hearing from her and feel that I do not want to miss a word, which I would if I were to listen to the Japanese only or partially. As mentioned earlier, I don't seem to be able to listen with one ear on Keiko and the other on the sensei. Would this state of affairs change later if I were to acquire a higher level of Japanese (as witnessed by the other student in the session who checks in with the interpreter only when she is not sure to have grasped something)? Does it depend on one's learning style, tolerance of ambiguity, excitement and acceptance of the culture?

Since effort in another's language is usually appreciated, whether working one on one or in a small group, I do try to speak some Japanese to partners. They seem to appreciate this good will and it helps them relax a bit, knowing their English is better than my Japanese. They were at first shy to work with a foreigner with whom they could not converse easily in Japanese and they were afraid to make mistakes in English. In the first course, especially, I was equally frozen to my chair and felt panicky about being there among so MANY Japanese strangers, outside of my safely choreographed, more familiar academic circles. I DIDN't even want to make eye contact at first. West meeting East. Only the tip of the iceberg glimpsed fleetingly. What is more, I had obtained the address of this institute off the Internet and I wasn't sure whether they would try to hard sell their courses to me or not. However, in the first course, it was naturally difficult to judge trustworthiness as I did not understand the level of more specialized language nor could I read or understand the cultural clues very well (with my eyes glued to the notes) but in spite of feeling very scared, bottom line… I was desperate to start to make some changes in my life in Japan at the same time. I felt I had fossilized and needed to break out of my present routine and way of looking at things and that listening to or using a language I was not fluent in, did not matter so much at that point as long as it brought new light and directions with it.

How I deal with Japanese Values

Finally, I would probably have advanced more in the language in general, if I had espoused more of the values, traditions and attitudes of Japan than I do. Please understand that I appreciate deeply the academic opportunities to develop my career here. I appreciate the salary, the prestige of being a professor, the tenured position, and the possibilities for travel to conferences and training course such as Pilgrims. The problem lies more in the every day life outside of my work in English where I still struggle to find balance and maintain my identity. The values here are so very different.

How different? Among other things, I have been told that a 56 year old women does not take ballet classes. A 56 year old woman is thought strange by some when she bicycles 30 minutes to work when, as a professor, she can afford to drive a car. To the more conservatively minded, she is strange when she works out at the gym or when she comes home regularly from the office at 8 or 9pm. (I was asked if it were because she was slow at her work that she did so?) Why does she not cook or give priority to her home? How will she ever find another husband in such a situation? And no, a woman should clean her own office, not hire someone to do it for her (although the male professor in question was quite comfortable with his wife helping him do the same work). Sigh! ^1. At such times, I cling to my North American identity and feel like I am drowning. In fact, in the first NLP seminar, one of the members said her first memory of me was me saying: “I am lost. I am lost”. I do not identify with the traditionally acceptable high pitched voice women still use when speaking politely, nor with the hesitation that is acceptable, even necessary, when expressing oneself, nor with the quiet eyes and body and straight back that, for Japanese, is said to denote strength of character, nor of the many many many strict rules that I will perhaps never learn or adjust to: the correct angle of bowing that is even measured in company training, the silence that is valued over words…

I miss a quick warm hug or morning kiss of greeting among Canadian women friends. In Japan, touch is almost non-existent after the age of seven, especially in more formal situations. My homestay lady patiently explained that I must find this contact in the look people express to me. Hmmm, no, I need more than that but beggars can't be choosers, as they say. I do not espouse these values nor do I feel motivated to do so. I have often closed myself away in my office and clung to the life jacket of my work but it is rather a strait jacket as it shuts me out from life, colleagues, new friends and fun. I am not trying to paint a “poor me” picture but rather express the struggle I feel to know who I am and how I can fit into this culture that I am deeply grateful to at the same time. To be honest and fair to the Japanese, as a “gaijin” (foreigner), I am not expected to adhere to these values or rules much other than by lip service but as a professor, a profession that is still highly respected, as a person, I would like to think that I can integrate as well as possible. I would like to accomplish more than a thin veneer of values and manners. Sadly, I don't know if I will ever be able to do that here.

Conclusion

NLP IS working and helping me and I am slowly, gradually beginning to accept the reality of my living in Japan. Perhaps, I am just being too stubborn and inflexible in my ways? Perhaps…. Etc. etc. Thankfully, I have found NLP, good trainers and interpreters and kind, patient Japanese people to help me work through some of this. I have all but completed the Beta level and will help as an assistant in the Alpha level again next September in order to get my counsellor's certificate. It feels good to be near Japanese people in my course. I interact with them on a more human level now and it will help me in my university and personal life and, yes, I WILL continue to study Japanese!

^1. Please understand that these comments do NOT necessarily represent the younger generation or even the whole of my own generation in Japan but it was said….. and it is still taking some adjusting to on my part.