Humanising Language Teaching
Year 5; Issue 3; May 03

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May I offer you an anonymous poem, that sums up what seems to me one of the most important aspects of good listening.

When I ask you to listen to me
and you start giving me advice
you are not doing what I asked of you.

When i ask you to listen to me
and you start telling me why I shouldn't have certain reactions
you are treading upon my feelings

When I ask you to listen to me
and you feel you must do something to solve my problems
you aren't of support to me.

Maybe that's why prayers work for some people.
The gods are mute
they don't offer advice
they don't try to fix things
They just listen, and trust that you will find a solution.

Please listen to me
And if you really wish to speak
wait a few minutes
and I promise I'll listen to you.

What happens inside us when someone speaks to us about something that is important for them? Do we really succeed in listening, without superimposing our own notions about what is right or what is wrong (our pre-concepts)? Do we manage to accept the other, and to receive all the information they want to convey? Or do we limit ourselves by replying to our own perceptions, our own autobiography, which we involuntarily project on them?

Let us think for a moment about the other who is speaking to us. What happens inside them is very much like what happens inside us? Hardly do we think in a linear fashion; hardly do our thoughts have a definite beginning or an end, but tend to spiral around inside us at different levels, often recursively, and often touching on other thoughts that divert us away from the main theme. It is in such situations that we feel the need of a listener.

A listener who really wants to receive the information that the other is offering must remain silent. This is no silence of indifference. It is a silence like a container for the speaker: it offers them a protected, nourishing and encouraging space in which and from which to express themselves.

Listening can be really simple if we follow some suggestions:

1. Immagine that the other is able, not necessarily right away, to deal with their issues

2. Think of yourself as a catalyst in their process of clarification

3. Place your body slightly towards the other, as if it were a container

4. Resist any temptation or desire to give advice

5. Nod from time to time, so as to give the other the "permission" to continue speaking

This is just the beginning of good listening. Playing with these 5 points will bring you unexpectedly positive results.

If you wish to learn even more functional ways to listen, I'll be happy to welcome you to our NLP Courses near Milan, Italy

Arthur A. Sackrule

Arthur A. Sackrule is a Certified NLP Trainer, is the founder of Educational Services, a training organization based near Milan, Italy. He works with companies as well as individuals. He can be reached at artsack@educserv.com

EDUCATIONAL SERVICES
Via F.lli Rosselli 14/18
21053 CASTELLANZA - ITALY
Tel/Fax +39 0331 505996
www.educserv.com