A meeting in a supermarket

Joke told by Bozica Gavez, Sova School, Zagreb, Croatia

A man in his early 30s is queuing at the cash desk in a supermarket, when he notices a ravishing blonde smiling and waving in his direction.
He is surprised to have been noticed by such a beautiful young woman although she looks vaguely familiar. He can't remember where and how he might have met her, so he gets closer and asks her:

Excuse me, have we met before?
She answers:
I might be wrong, but I think that you are the father of one of my children. He suddenly remembers the only time he was unfaithful and says:
You must be the stripper I met at my best friend's stag party. We spent a wild time together, didn't we?
No, she answers, I'm your son's English teacher!

Yorkshire Joke

Politician: Have you lived here all your life?

Old North Yorkshire Farmer ( after long pause) Don't know yet!

Three old codgers

Told by Jim Wright, East kent, UK

Three retired gentlemen, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other:
Windy, isn't it?
No, the second golfer replied: It's Thursday.
And the third man chimed in: So am I. Let's have a beer!

Tricking God

Told by Ruxandra Popovici, Bucharest, Romania

She had a heart attack. On the operating table she had a near death experience:
Is my time up, Lord?
No, God replied, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.

Over the next six months the woman had these medical interventions:
Liposuction
A tummy tuck,
A facelift
A nose job.

She also went to the hairdressers to have her hair dyed.

A couple of months later she walked under a bus. When she got to heaven, she asked God:

Why didn't you save me from that bus? You said I had another 43 years to live.

God replied:

I didn't recognise you!

Nursery School Story

Told by Cecile Marit, Belgium

One of the children asked the teacher to help him get his boots on.

After quite a struggle with the boots she finally got them on :

They're on the wrong way round , Miss.

She realises he is right; they are on the wrong feet.
She stays calm and swaps them over for him.

They're not my boots, Miss.

She fights hard to keep her cool and asks the boy why he hadn't told her before.

She gets down again and helps him pull the boots off.

These aren't my boots, they're my brother's, but Mummy said I got to wear them.

At this point she feels the tears coming. She helps him back into his boots.

She gets him into his coat and wraps his scarf round his neck

Where are your gloves?

I put them in my boots!

[ Editorial note: Cecile tells me this is a true story!]

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